Saturday, August 28, 2004
DAHIL KAY ARTHUR AT KAY NOEL
we humans are strange creatures. we always want what we don't have. we are never content with what we have and who we are.
how many of us here dream of faraway places, of autumn leaves, of a picture-perfect white christmas (complete with hot cocoa by the fire and fuzzy turtleneck sweaters, of course), of adventures in foreign lands, of learning a new language, of getting a better job, of finding a (better) partner, of new sites and sounds, of the ever elusive "greener pastures"? how many of us find ourselves asking: "isn't there more to life than this? what is out there for me? what else has life/the world in store for me? what else should i do?" how many of us find ourselves saying: "i have to do more, be more, live more?"
then there are those who dream of being here, being home in the philippines. those who dream of spending time with family and relatives, of eating once again at jollibee, of experiencing a truly pinoy pasko (complete with the simbang gabi, eating puto bumbong as you enjoy the cool morning air amidst all the colorful parols). those who experience authentic homesickness while they live in fast-paced cities, earn dollars, take the subway to work, own an apartment across the river, live lives so many of us can only dream about. those who wish they weren't with so-and-so. those who wish they weren't married. those who wish they were married. those who wish they had never left. those who would forego adventure and choose to live a life of stability, a comfortable routine of mundane things. how many of them say, "how i wish i was back home, back to where i grew up, with the friends who know me best, with family who loves me best?" how many of them also ask: "is there more to my life than this?"
(here's the truth: these thoughts surfaced after a pleasant blind date with a balikbayan last wednesday night. while many of us pursue a dream of elsewhere, he is homesick and dreads the thought of raking autumn leaves and shovelling snow. thank you, noel, for the good conversation and for starting these thoughts in my head.)
why are we never content? why are we always restless to find elsewhere? (my PH101 group loved that line from arthur rimbaud: "life is elsewhere." we had an oh-so-cool video project titled "destination: elsewhere". sigh. i miss school.) why... because we are human and because we are wired that way. (is that too simplistic an explanation?) we are built to continuously strive for the more in life. yes, it's all about MAGIS. we are forever restless because we know we can always do better, work better, sing better, write better, perform better, love better, become better persons. we can always outdo what we've done in the past. we can always do more and be more. we really can.
and where does this leave contentment? when do we say we are satisfied or 100% happy? can we ever say that?! i say we cannot be SATISfied with life lest we become complacent; we can, however, be happy and content with the NOW. happiness is in the moments we hold dear. happiness is in bits and pieces of life. happiness comes like a snapshot. a good decision after agonizing over the pros and cons. a warm hug after a stressful week at work. a silent smile between two people that speaks volumes. an e-mail from a long-lost friend. a light soul-cleansing drizzle as you walk outdoors. a sincere "are you okay?" on a day of sad eyes, stooped shoulders, and heavy sighs. a full tank of gas courtesy of a patient and understanding father. good and comfortable conversation with a virtual stranger. a hot cup of mushroom soup on a drearily gray and stormy day. all these happy moments exist in the midst of mental turbulence, endless checklists, floating questions and decisons to make. all these moments of contentment flash right by without us even noticing until we stop and reflect and replay them in slowmo, freezeframe by freezeframe. when we remember these moments, we can only smile and say: "yes, i am happy. thank you."
i think hanging on to happy thoughts can go hand-in-hand with dreaming of elsewhere. life may be in the present moments, but life is also elsewhere--in places and states we can only imagine and dream about.
wanting what we don't have is part of the analogous human condition. but we have to keep dreaming, to hope for what we don't have yet. having elsewhere as our destination keeps us moving, changing, going out, trying new things, traveling, reaching higher, becoming better. our dreams make us more human. our dreams make us more alive.
life is here and elsewhere. and in between.
* * *
here's to MAGIS,
to the more of life,
to elsewhere,
to living in between,and to dreaming with my eyes open
how many of us here dream of faraway places, of autumn leaves, of a picture-perfect white christmas (complete with hot cocoa by the fire and fuzzy turtleneck sweaters, of course), of adventures in foreign lands, of learning a new language, of getting a better job, of finding a (better) partner, of new sites and sounds, of the ever elusive "greener pastures"? how many of us find ourselves asking: "isn't there more to life than this? what is out there for me? what else has life/the world in store for me? what else should i do?" how many of us find ourselves saying: "i have to do more, be more, live more?"
then there are those who dream of being here, being home in the philippines. those who dream of spending time with family and relatives, of eating once again at jollibee, of experiencing a truly pinoy pasko (complete with the simbang gabi, eating puto bumbong as you enjoy the cool morning air amidst all the colorful parols). those who experience authentic homesickness while they live in fast-paced cities, earn dollars, take the subway to work, own an apartment across the river, live lives so many of us can only dream about. those who wish they weren't with so-and-so. those who wish they weren't married. those who wish they were married. those who wish they had never left. those who would forego adventure and choose to live a life of stability, a comfortable routine of mundane things. how many of them say, "how i wish i was back home, back to where i grew up, with the friends who know me best, with family who loves me best?" how many of them also ask: "is there more to my life than this?"
(here's the truth: these thoughts surfaced after a pleasant blind date with a balikbayan last wednesday night. while many of us pursue a dream of elsewhere, he is homesick and dreads the thought of raking autumn leaves and shovelling snow. thank you, noel, for the good conversation and for starting these thoughts in my head.)
why are we never content? why are we always restless to find elsewhere? (my PH101 group loved that line from arthur rimbaud: "life is elsewhere." we had an oh-so-cool video project titled "destination: elsewhere". sigh. i miss school.) why... because we are human and because we are wired that way. (is that too simplistic an explanation?) we are built to continuously strive for the more in life. yes, it's all about MAGIS. we are forever restless because we know we can always do better, work better, sing better, write better, perform better, love better, become better persons. we can always outdo what we've done in the past. we can always do more and be more. we really can.
and where does this leave contentment? when do we say we are satisfied or 100% happy? can we ever say that?! i say we cannot be SATISfied with life lest we become complacent; we can, however, be happy and content with the NOW. happiness is in the moments we hold dear. happiness is in bits and pieces of life. happiness comes like a snapshot. a good decision after agonizing over the pros and cons. a warm hug after a stressful week at work. a silent smile between two people that speaks volumes. an e-mail from a long-lost friend. a light soul-cleansing drizzle as you walk outdoors. a sincere "are you okay?" on a day of sad eyes, stooped shoulders, and heavy sighs. a full tank of gas courtesy of a patient and understanding father. good and comfortable conversation with a virtual stranger. a hot cup of mushroom soup on a drearily gray and stormy day. all these happy moments exist in the midst of mental turbulence, endless checklists, floating questions and decisons to make. all these moments of contentment flash right by without us even noticing until we stop and reflect and replay them in slowmo, freezeframe by freezeframe. when we remember these moments, we can only smile and say: "yes, i am happy. thank you."
i think hanging on to happy thoughts can go hand-in-hand with dreaming of elsewhere. life may be in the present moments, but life is also elsewhere--in places and states we can only imagine and dream about.
wanting what we don't have is part of the analogous human condition. but we have to keep dreaming, to hope for what we don't have yet. having elsewhere as our destination keeps us moving, changing, going out, trying new things, traveling, reaching higher, becoming better. our dreams make us more human. our dreams make us more alive.
life is here and elsewhere. and in between.
* * *
here's to MAGIS,
to the more of life,
to elsewhere,
to living in between,and to dreaming with my eyes open
