SHARED SKIES

In celebration of my first anniversary in singlehood.

1. Cry. It’s okay to grieve and be melodramatic. Before you decide to throw everything away, cry as you re-read your journal, sift through photographs, and go through your box of mementos. Cry as you listen to sappy love songs on cheasy radio stations. Keep crying until there are no more tears left.
2. Spend time with your closest girl friends (yes, your mother counts too!). You can bitch and cry and vent all you want. They will listen as you recount your love (and break-up) story again and again. They will offer different perspectives, advice, tissues, and the right dose of chocolates. Great female friendships are therapeutic and uplifting.
3. Give yourself time and distance away from him. Say no when he asks to see you. Keep any conversations politely short. The last thing you want to do is to keep things ‘normal’ or ‘the same’—it’s not and, sad to say, it won’t ever be.
4. Reconnect with old friends. Rekindle old friendships from high school or your college carpool. Give your best friend from first grade a call. Greet acquaintances on their birthdays. Reply to messages from e-groups. Attend alumni gatherings. Organize reunions with your different urban tribes. Meet up with people from your past and be reminded of the person-you-were before you were so-and-so’s girlfriend. (It’s also a great way to create a new circle of friends!)
5. Make a list of all the things you want to do in your lifetime—especially those that you couldn’t or didn’t do when you were still with Mr. Not-Quite-Right. Your checklist may include wearing funky clothes, going to art museums, taking up a new sport, or travelling alone. Keep your list handy… and make sure you take the necessary steps to cross off items!
6. Rediscover an old hobby, or find a new one—something you inherently enjoy, something you can spend a lot of time on, something you can get ‘lost’ in. Write a novel. Make a collage. Read good books. Paint. Play badminton. Write furiously in a journal. Go wall-climbing. Watch movies.
7. Visualize Mr. Right—if Mr. Wrong didn’t work out, who should Mr. Right be? Write a detailed list if you must. It’s always helpful to know what you want and what are your non-negotiables. Do not settle for anyone but the best person for you.
8. Don’t be afraid of other guys. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling that no one will like and love you again. Don’t compare all the other guys with your old boyfriend. Meet people. Mingle. Make new friends. Flirt. Ask friends to set you up. Go out on dates.
9. Don’t hate him or even try to un-love him. Accept that you will always somehow love him… but also know that your relationship is something of the past. Pray for him and his happiness. In your heart, thank him for bringing you to where you are now and for helping create the woman you are now.
10. Love and pamper thyself. Get a full-body massage. Go shopping. Exercise. Eat right. Dress well. Wear make-up. Smile. It’s really true: when you look good, you feel good… and the world seems a little brighter too. Before you know it, you’ll be walking with that skip back in your step and ready to embrace all that Life still has in store for you.

# posted by CloudWoman @ 20:34